For the record, the term "chicks with dicks" is offensive to me and I want the use of it to stop. I'm going to try and explain why.
Since no one ever says which books they believe feature these characters, I can only assume they're referring to gay men who're portrayed as effeminate or "flamboyant" instead of the more straight-acting gay men or "alpha males". I have to assume that's the case since the characteristics of effeminate gay men include things that make them seem more obviously feminine than other gay men. They live all out, hiding nothing, curbing their natural personalities for no one, and attracting attention because of it. Their clothes, hand gestures, voices, and their very personalities are not at all butch.
I admire these men. I see them as some of the bravest in the world and I want to be just like them. I want to be able to be myself without fear -- even when I am afraid. I'm an effeminate and even gender fluid gay man and I'm learning to embrace that fact and love who I am. I won't let anyone stop me from being me.
Those of you who throw around the term "chicks with dicks" need to realize something: You're saying a segment of the gay spectrum is unappealing, wrong, and labeling these men something less than men. You say you support gay men, but just not these gay men?
I'm in that segment. I might flame and I might feel more feminine sometimes, but I'm still a man. Calling me anything else is the act of a bully. Can you see that?
If you don't like a certain type of character in your romance fiction, you're entitled to your opinion and should go right ahead and express it. But putting down those who do like the fem guy and especially putting down those who identify with him is YOU becoming the bully and the phobic personality you claim to oppose.
Do you really not realize that you're trying to influence people to your way of thinking by making them feel bad about their own preferences or identity?
Is the objection to effeminate gay men in romance fiction because they don't turn you on as much as their straight-acting counterparts? Well, now you know guys like me don't do it for you, so put that book down and try something else. Most BDSM-themed books don't do it for me, but you don't see me calling Doms abusive or claiming they portray gay men in an offensive way. I don't say we need to make authors stop writing about them in order to protect real gay men.
You want to support gay men? Acknowledge the fact there's such a rainbow of characters out there that everyone gets a story, even if it's not the story you want to read. And if you really want to be supportive, stop calling a segment of us "chicks with dicks".